how do I win a date with Brad?

Me: you were right
Me: read my diary
Cindy: ok
Cindy: omg what happend?
Me: it's like that other stuff never happened
Me: things went back to normal
Cindy: she is back to normal?
Cindy: lol
Cindy: you read my mind
Me: sucks
Me: it's like I got a taste of how perfect things could be with my mom and then business went on as usual
Me: so I'm going back to limiting my contact with he
Me: r
Me: thus the almost constant invisibility
Cindy: oh my....what did she do? was she being mean?
Me: nah, just normal
Me: you need to do this and you need to do that
Cindy: I see
Me: and that conversation about school
Me: isn't it so perfectly orchestrated that she told me if I didn't wanna go it'd be ok after she paid the tuition and I was stuck?
Me: cos not only am I stuck going this quarter, but I have to stick it thru however long it's gonna take cos I can't change my mind now
Me: that had to be intentional
Cindy: wow
Cindy: she got you stuck in a corner?
Me: conveniently enough for her
Me: why didn't I say anything then?
Me: even then I had a miniscule chance of maybe getting out of it and looking at tech schools like I want to now
Me: you know what's messed up
Me: I really do have a choice but I can't make it cos I let her control me... all because of money and guilt
Me: shmoo
Me: how are you
Me: I'm over a week late for my period
Me: how are you?
Cindy: I just had a period
Cindy: so I guess I'm good
Me: I should buy a test... but I don't have the money
Cindy: any changes with yer body?
Cindy: do you crave weird stuff
Me: and I'm definitely not gonna ask my mom for it
Me: no
Cindy: or do you not have an appitite at all
Cindy: good idea
Cindy: I think it is due to stress
Me: more than likely
Cindy: so don't worry about it
Me: I've had PMS for like 2 or 3 weeks
Me: worst PMS ever
Me: borderline anxiety attacks, the shakes
Me: no appetite
Me: breasts are sore but not hard, stomach is bloated but not solid at all
Me: I've been gettin really bad cramps today goin down into my legs but no bleeding
Me: it's stress, right?
Me: I've never really been regular
Me: and every now and then, I'll be 2 or 3 weeks late for no reason
Me: that's what happened when i first got with Brad
Me: I was already like a week late when I first had sex with him and I didn't start for at least another week
Cindy: yeah
Cindy: it's norma
Cindy: normal
Cindy: and considering the stress you have been under
Me: yeah
Me: my anxiety disorder's been acting up again
Cindy: I have been having anxiety attacks at work
Cindy: Every fucking day I work, around lunch time
Me: very nearly
Cindy: at first I didn't know what it was
Cindy: but then I realized I only had them at a certain time and always at work
Me: it's not so much I start to panic as just a rage comes over me and this urge to just explode or pass out or whatever
Me: I start to shake and I lose my breath
Cindy: I get dizzy and my heart is pounds really hard and I can't breath
Cindy: starts to
Cindy: boy did I mess that up
Me: yeah, my heart races and then pounds so hard I think it's going to explode out of my chest
Me: and I get lightheaded
Cindy: I have a heart mur mur.....think I spelled that wrong. Which I already knew but Amy heart it once and then the doctor further confirmed it
Me: my vitals were fine the last they got checked
Cindy: not heart it once but heard it once
Cindy: the doc said it was very noticable
Cindy: but he said I would be alright
Cindy: sometimes it freaks me out though
Me: *phone*
Me: I knew I wasn't get a moments peace tonight
Me: ok
Me: he calls me like every five minutes
Me: I can never just relax when I'm home and he's at work
Me: as long as he knows i'm awake, he calls and calls and calls
Cindy: do you do the same to him?
Me: no, cos I don't have the time nor the means
Cindy: Tom use to call me on his luch break everyday
Me: I guess he gets bored
Me: cos it's 3rd shift and pretty slow
Me: even if I could, I wouldn't wanna call him ever 5 seconds from work
Me: *every
Me: damn y key
Cindy: lol
Cindy: Did you know I was doing that?
Cindy: 拜託你......拜託、拜託(撒嬌貌)
Me: doing what?
Cindy: scribbling
Me: I could see it
Cindy: oh
Cindy: I have a date with Tom
Cindy: i gotta go
Cindy: sorry
Me: ok
Me: bye
Cindy: I will try to be back later if it's not too late
Me: wish i had a date
Me: ok
Me: if not, don't sweat it
Cindy: k
Cindy: bye
Cindy has signed out. (8/14/2005 11:48 PM)